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Ice

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Not even the incomparable talents of recovering porn queen Traci Lords can redeem this brainless direct-to-vid caper film. In Ice she stars as a jewel thief who steals $60 million in diamonds from the mob. Gremlins’ Galligan (who should start considering a new agent) plays her nogoodnik gambling brother. The writing is dreadful, the directing (by Lords’ real-life hubby Brook Yeaton) a joke, and the violence ludicrous. Lords has been in skin flicks with more smarts than this.

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