1 YANNI LIVE AT THE ACROPOLIS What’s next? Barney with the Philharmonic?
2 BECK The folk-rapper has a hit with ”Loser.” How long before Kathie Lee Giffor covers that one?
3 THE HOUSE OF ROSEANNE Her proposed clothing line for ”real” women faltered. She’d make more money with a line of snack foods anyway.
4 704 HAUSER An African-American family live in Archie Bunker’s house, They subscribe to Martha Stewar Living Large.
5 JIMMY JOHNSON The Dallas coach resigned after two Super Bowl victories. They always do things bigger in Texas. Especially dumb things.
6 LATE NIGHT BLUE Madonna used the F-word 14 times on the Letterman show. She wanted to stay longer buyt she had to go swab the deck.
7 APRIL 15 If it ain’t broke, tax it.
8 TIM McGRAW Breaking into the Top 100 with the offensive tune ”Indian Outlaw.” Let’s hope he drops all his profits at a tribal casino.
9 JACKSON FAMILY HONORS A producer is suing them for $2.2 million, and some participants claim they haven’t been paid. Court TV may have its first variety show.
10 GRANT’S TOMB Illinois wants him moved because New York can’t keep it clean. Wait till they find out he’s been stolen.
11 CATTLE FUTURES Hillary Clinton turned $1,000 into $100,000 in two years. Who’s upset? The Wall Street Journal.
12 CHRISTY A schoolmarm in the good old days before aspirin, washers, and deodorant. All the things that sponsor the show.
13 SERIAL MOM Kathleen Turner cleans house, ferries the kids, bakes cookies, and kills people. Not to nitpick, but the house isn’t all that clean.
14 SOUTH CENTRAL A real family coping with real problems in a real neighborhood. Hell, just put a laugh track on the 11 o’clock news.
15 THE STOCK MARKET Here’s the way it works. If you buy today, it will go down. If you don’t buy today, it will go up. Simple, huh?