1 REALITY BITES A movie about twentysomething angst. The first generation to complain about how tough life is over thier cellular phones. , 2 MY LIVES If Roseanne Arnold’s autobiography is part of her therapy, shouldn’t we get a hundred bucks an hour to read it?
3 OLYMPIC COVERAGE One minute of sport, 15 minutes of sick relatives. Did they come for a medal or a second opinion?
4 TOM SNYDER Rumors have him coming on after Letterman. The agent for the Burning Log in the Fireplace must have wanted too much.
5 JACKSON FAMILY HONORS They don’t give these to just anybody. You have to show up and not testify against them.
6 ON DEADLY GROUND Steven Seagal’s eco-thriller. Don’t worry, that’s not an oil spill. It’s blood.
7 NANCY KERRIGAN She’s signed a $1 million deal with Disney. But what if Robin Williams doesn’t want to be her voice?
8 TOM Roseanne’s husband has a new show. Remember, it’s not a series until it’s been on twice.
9 FLORIDA ORANGE JUICE You know who’s happiest they picked Rush Limbaugh to be thier spokesperson? The California Orange Growers.
10 TRADE WITH JAPAN We only make one thing in this country that they let in duty-free. Dollars.
11 GRAMMY AWARDS The difference between a Grammy and an Oscar? Winning an Oscar could actually help your career.
12 DAVE’S MOM Calvert DeForest wants Jeff Gillooly to take her out.
13 GREGORIAN CHANTS Music from a Spanish monastery is creeping up the charts. Our next big pop star could be Monky Monk.
14 MIDNIGHT COWBOY REVIVAL A hustler shares the streets with a smelly panhandler. Times have changed, huh?
15 8 SECONDS a rodeo movie with Luke Perry. No animals were hurt while making the film. They taste better that way.