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Oscars 2017
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”(It was) kind of like The Chevy Chase Show. You knew it was a mistake from the start and you can only hope it will never happen again.” -Murphy Brown (Candice Bergen) to Peter Hunt (Scott Bakula) after their tryst ”My girlfriend hit Bob Saget with a pipe in the knees right before the show.” -Garry Shandling on why he got the first slot on Comic Relief VI

”Not me, you idiot! Rita Rudner!” -Brett Butler on Comic Relief, as she’s accosted by a pipe-wielding attacker

”My real name is Dennis Franz Schlachta. Deal with that if you can.” -Dennis Franz explaining to Arsenio Hall why he changed his name