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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

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What the country is talking about this week…

1 Henry Winkler Playing a windy, woman-hating, conservative talk-show host on Monty. As if someone like that could get a show.

2 Nancy Kerrigan The Olympic trials were for skating, not stalking, you jerk. She’ll deserve a medal for just showing up.

3 Heidi Fleiss Charlie Sheen and Jon Peters are her ”big” names? Hollywood is shaking all right. With laughter.

4 The Lorena Bobbitt Trial She’s hoping she doesn’t get a hung jury.

5 Comic Relief VI Comedians to raise money for the homeless. That pretty well describes Congress’ efforts, too.

6 Condom Public Service Spots People weren’t offended. They thought they were watching NYPD Blue promos.

7 Chelsea Clinton in Moscow Quit complaining about the expense. Even John Hughes wouldn’t leave a 13-year-old home alone in the White House.

8 The Flu High schools are reporting 25 percent absentee rates. Of course, it could just be morning sickness.

9 Michael Crichton He did extensive research on sexual harassment for Disclosure. He could have just gotten a job.

10 The Menendez Brothers And don’t forget, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, they’re orphans.

11 The Whitewater Affair The Clintons need boxes and boxes full of papers for one lousy investment? Shrewd.

12 The Honorable Sonny Bono Isn’t he overqualified for the House of Representatives? He was successful once.

13 Debra Winger She’s gone from being ”difficult” to being ”outspoken.” Has she changed or have the reporters?

14 Iron Will A boy in a dogsled race in 1914. Almost as dangerous as walking home from the theater today.

15 Gun Swaps People can’t wait to turn in a weapon. That’s one line you shouldn’t cut.

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