1 Carlito’s Way Al Pacino as you’ve never seen him before. Except in Scarface, Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon, and all three Godfathers.
2 Ross Perot The typical boss. He’s against NAFTA because he didn’t think of it.
3 SAT’s It’s that time of year for high schoolers. If Johnny has five guns and Sally has eight bullets, how many students can they kill between them?
4 Madonna and Flags If we told her she had to wear a flag on stage, she wouldn’t.
5 Return to Lonesome Dove Why? Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Duvall didn’t.
6 JFK Memorials It’s been 30 years. Soon we’ll be asking, “Where were you when you forgot Kennedy was shot?”
7 NYC Marathon Twenty thousand people running 26.2 miles. They’re being chased by 40,000 muggers with urban assault weapons.
8 The Three Musketeers These guys were violent. They probably watched too much TV.
9 Princess Di Photos Why is she going to a gym anyway? They can’t afford a Thighmaster at Buckingham Palace?
10 My Life Michael Keaton plays a dying man who makes a tape of his life to leave to his family. And that tape is Beetlejuice.
11 John Bobbitt Trial Anything the court does to him will be anticlimactic.
12 Mrs. Doubtfire Donning drag, Robin Williams becomes a maid to be near his kids during a custody battle. RuNanny.
13 Bulimia The tabloid disorder of the month. I have it, but I keep forgetting to purge.
14 Whoopi And Ted Split He put his foot down when she wanted him to wear blackface around the house.
15 A Brit Scarlett O’Hara There’s no American actress who can play the famous Southern belle? It’s payback for Kevin Costner’s doing Robin Hood.