1 Thigh-Thinning CreamIn two months women lost a half inch from their legs. And twoinches from their fingers.2 UptalkWhen teens talk with a rising inflection? It happens a lot? Andthen you can’t stop yourself? Please, help me?
3 School-Food T-ShirtsA teenager made $200 selling shirt designs with rude remarks aboutthe cafeteria on them. We were so stupid. We complained for free.
4 Julia RobertsIt’s a good thing she’s not pregnant. Where would Lyle ever findthe kid an Eraserhead doll?
5 Diana Ross’ MemoirsI forgot I had Berry Gordy’s love child! You can’t expect me toremember everything!
6 Jurassic parkThe French are worried about the effect it will have on theirculture. About as much as Les Miserables has had on ours.
7 Cloning EmbryosA jug of wine, a loaf of bread, an electron microscope, a few labtechnicians, and you.
8 Fabio’s BookToo bad they don’t give a Nobel Prize for pectorals.
9 William Kennedy SmithArrested in a bar brawl outside Washington. Is he preparing to runfor public office?
10 Robocop 3Rumor has it that he’s living with R2D2 but seeing an ATM machineon the side.
11 Harley-DavidsonsExcuse me, which one of you rebels left your bike in the valetparking?
12 Calvin Klein BoycottSome gays won’t buy his underwear until he drops Marky Mark. Somestraights won’t buy his underwear until he drops his prices.
13 Girl Scout OathThey can now substitute a more agreeable word for God. Many haveswitched to Jason Priestley.
14 The War RoomA documentary of the Clinton campaign. It clears up one thing. Youcan’t inhale when your mouth is full.
15 Tony BennettThe alternative to alternative music. Ready for flannelcummerbunds?