1 COUNTRY LINE DANCING Do real cowboys dance the Tush Push and the Achy Breaky? Sure. Right after they finish milking the bulls. 2 THE REAL MCCOY Kim Basinger skipped Boxing Helena for this? Another career move like that and even Robert Urich won’t work with her.
3 FAYE DUNAWAY An Oscar-winning actress doing TV? What ever happened to doing bad Broadway between movies?
4 DAVE’S WORLD A sitcom based on columnist Dave Barry. The men who run TV must not have heard of Erma Bombeck.
5 VALERIE BERTINELLI In Cafe Americain she’s a divorcee who works in a Paris fern bar. They call it One Bidet at a Time.
6 THE MOMMIES A comedy about raising children. Somebody’s done it before. It was called The Omen.
7 COOL RUNNINGS The story of Jamaica’s Olympic bobsled team. Some folks bet on them. They heard they couldn’t luge.
8 DELTA BURKE ON HOME SHOPPING NETWORK She may sell sportswear to women size 14 and up. Whatever sport it is, it’s not working.
9 THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION How bad is it? QVC has already made them an offer.
10 DAVID CARUSO NYPD Blue’s redheaded heartthrob. A thin, good-looking New York cop? This is a ”reality” show?
11 CLINTON’S HEALTH-CARE PACKAGE I like the low-cost Republican alternative. It’s called the ”Stop Your Sissy Whining and Get Out of That Bed” Plan.
12 THE L.A. COUNTY CORONER’S OFFICE It sells toe tags and T-shirts to an eager public. How long before funeral homes have signs that say, ”Come Visit Our Gift Shop”?
13 A BRONX TALE Robert De Niro’s first directing job. He lost 30 IQ points just to be authentic.
14 MARTHA STEWART LIVING The TV show. That’s not living, that’s working.
15 DOLLY PARTON She inked a deal for her own cosmetics line. They’ve already tested it on animals. And most of the guys lived.