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WARNED OVER

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Note to network execs: Now that you’ve decided to put warnings on excessively violent programs, how about taking it a step further and labeling the really disturbing shows. After all, violence is hardly the only deplorable thing on the tube. We’d like to see a few other offenses slapped with television advisories: *Warning: This program contains scenes featuring Erik Estrada. May cause emotional stress, uncontrollable sobbing, and a smashed-in TV tube.

*Warning: This program contains an artificially sweetened laugh track including the exclamation awwwwww during moments of saccharine tenderness. Proven to cause cancer in laboratory rats.

*Warning: This program contains pontificating pundits prattling with pork- barrel politicians. May cause ulcers in taxpaying viewers.

*Warning: This program contains lameoid stand-up comics in front of a red brick wall telling airline-food jokes. Repeated viewings may result in Jay Leno Syndrome, the gradual loss of sense of humor.

*Warning: This program contains Willard Scott. May not be appropriate for viewers under 100.

*Warning: This program contains stuffy British thespians harrumphing in high- collared Edwardian clothing. Do not drive or operate heavy equipment after viewing. $

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