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SO UNCOOL THEY'RE COOL

THEY’RE CRABBY, TACKY, CORNY, AND TAWDRY. BUT THAT’S GOOD. TRUST US

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It’s geek chic, it’s hip squares, it’s our list of people and things so blissfully, doggedly uncool as to inspire a defiant appreciation of their charms. Which makes them cool. Which is a danger, because once they cross that fine line and start believing they’re cool, they lose the very qualities that made them cool and they become just plain uncool. After which they face the danger of becoming just plain appalling. ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Diana Walker DAVID BRINKLEY: Long before Dana Carvey did his Grumpy Old Man, Brinkley had the act sewn up ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Ben Glass/Retna WHITNEY HOUSTON’S ”I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” Admit it: You waltz around the house in your underwear belting out the song with her. Whitney Houston ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Neal Preston/Outline NEIL DIAMOND: It’s not just the coifs, the glitter, the billowing poet blouses: It’s his song stylings ILLUSTRATION: Photo from Foto Fantasies BROOKE SHIELDS: Her old-fashioned good manners stand her in better stead than all of Shannen Doherty’s new-fangled shenanigans ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Didi Zill BAYWATCH: A blessed lack of redeeming social value. Jiggle! That’s all! Jiggle! ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Jerry Ohlinger A STRANGER AMONG US: To watch this meshuggeneh movie about Melanie Griffith among the Hasidim is to be convinced that God smirks in mysterious ways ILLUSTRATION: Photo from Foto Fantasies ROBERT URICH: Ten different TV series and a shopping a bag full of bangeroo product endorsements are an inspiration to average, dog-loving guys everywhere ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Chris Kraft/Retna Dolly Parton: Bigger is better ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Gerardo Somoza/Outline BARRY MANILOW: Remember what we said about crossing that line to plain uncool? He was in the season finale of Murphy Brown. Be warned, Barry ILLUSTRATION: Photo from Foto Fantasies SUZANNE SOMERS: Those lips, those thighs ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Marsha Blackburn LLOYD BRIDGES IN THE HOT SHOTS! MOVIES: You don’t realize he’s funny. Then you realize you’re laughing. The joke’s on you