Jim Mullen’s hot sheet
1 Jurassic Park Toys
They’re very authentic. Now, go play in the tar pit, dear.
2 The Jeopardy! Uproar
Of course more men win than women. There’s no category called ”Where are my clean socks?”
3 White House Travel Office
There is one perk. You get Frequently Fired Miles.
4 Japan’s Royal Wedding
America was going to send them a toaster, but they’re all made in Japan.
5 A Suitable Boy
Vikram Seth’s 1,349-page novel. Who published it? Nautilus?
6 Barbra Streisand
Conservatives say she and her Hollywood friends should stay out of Washington. Yeah, what do people like Ronald Reagan know about politics?
7 Made in America
Whoopi Goldberg hits the roof when she finds out the sperm donor for her child was white. The way they run those places, she’s lucky he was human.
8 Super Mario Bros.
It could be worse. Can you imagine sitting through two hours of Donkey Kong?
Sliver‘s ”You like to watch, don’t you?” Actually, I found myself watching my watch.
10 MTV’s House in the Hamptons
You pay a fortune to get away from it all only to find out that all of it’s next door.
11 Fall TV Shows
Comedies about divorced parents with kids. Ha, ha, we’re broke and alone.
12 The Jagger Bio
Shocking. To anyone who has lived in a cave for the last 30 years.
13 Denny’s VS. Black Secret Service Men
The place to go for good old-fashioned service. The kind you used to get in Birmingham in 1963.
14 Judd Nelson
Accused of kicking a woman in the head during a barroom brawl. Says it was an accident. Where did he mean to kick her?
15 Marianne Williamson
Inspirational speaker for people who find being rich and famous a hassle. EST Lite.