David Bowie’s new tune gets mixed
David Bowie hops on the ”jump” bandwagon with his current single ”Jump They Say.” Picture him hangin’ with homeboys Kris Kross (”Jump”) and House of Pain (”Jump Around”), saying, ”You fellers might be on to somefing. I need a Top 40 hit. I know! I’ll pen a tune about jumping! Brilliant!” And to absolutely guarantee that the single will ascend the mighty pop charts, ”Jump They Say” comes in 10 nearly identical but subtly different versions, including: ”The Album Version,” ”The Club Hart Remix,” ”The Radio Edit 1,” and ”The Leftfield Remix.”
But, hey, why stop there, Dave? Here are some additional versions you might want to consider:
The Trail Mix: Ziggy Stardust adopts a country twang and Garth Brooks lends his cowboy hat!
The Mix Master: Uncut and unedited. Bowie breathes. He coughs. He sips expensive bottled water. He calls Iman and reminds her to pick up his Armani suits at the dry cleaners. And you are there.
The Slick Rick Mix: A rap version complete with dirty words that radio will not play. Guarantees a Parental Advisory sticker and more sales to the kiddies.
The Styx Mix: Bowie co-opts the ’70s/’80s revivals. Strains of ”Blue Jean” and ”Come Sail Away” waft subliminally in the background.
The Spoken Word Mix: A black-turtlenecked Bowie speaks. And he looks a lot like that guy in the Gap ad. Hmmmmm.
The Unplugged and Undrugged Mix: Bowie leads an acoustic band whose members are all in recovery. Ground control to Major Tom! Hello? One version is plenty, but thank you for sharing.