At the Sea Breeze bar, where Hollywood’s finest assemble to watch the Oscars, the patrons can be heard shouting ”Jaye! Jaye!” during the Best Supporting Actor announcement. They’re not actually rooting for Mr. Davidson of The Crying Game, though. They’re cheering on fellow patron Jay Quade, who has just sunk a tough corner shot on the pool table.
This is Hollywood, Md., a hamlet a bit south of Zekiah Swamp, and while the folks here are ”just country people,” as their Sea Breeze hostess, Suzanne Gray, says, they do know their flicks. Here’s how the Hollywood critics-at-the-bar sized up their Left Coast counterparts:
Sarah Jessica Parker: ”What is this, the year of the brown dress? I’ve been up since six, and my hair looks better than hers!”
Susan Sarandon: ”She has the body for a clingy dress like that. So shiny — she kind of looks like Oscar.”
Tom Cruise: ”A Few Good Men is the only movie I ever saw where he didn’t make love to someone. I liked it.”
Jack Nicholson: ”He’s believable as a crazy person.”
Marisa Tomei: ”If she didn’t have the gloves on, you’d think she was an orderly.”
Vanessa Redgrave: ”Well, that’s classy — chompin’ on gum!”
But Hollywood East didn’t spend all night carping. The clear favorites here were Clint Eastwood and Al Pacino, and after the ceremonies, a burly, Harley-riding cineast remarked of his compadres out west, ”I guess they agreed with us.” Kipling be damned, the twain have met.