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Oscars 2017
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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

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1 St. Patrick’s day parade
Funny that God would give him the power to drive the snakes out of Ireland but not the gays.

2 John Travolta
The neighbors object when he lands his jet in front of the house. Busybodies.

3 Sirens
Get it? They’re policewomen!! At least they didn’t call it Cups and Robbers.

4 NASA for sale
Peddling billboard space on the side of a rocket. How long before a space shuttle pulls a sign for Sea World’s Baby Shamu?

5 A Far Off Place
Kids save animals from evil poachers. Remember to stop for burgers on the way home.

6 Martin Short
They say he’s good in Broadway’s The Goodbye Girl. Fine. Anything to keep him off screen.

7 How’d They Do That?
How to jump out of a plane with a big board tied to your feet. Just one more example of TV’s power to educate.

8 Clint Eastwood
Picking up another Best Director trophy. It makes sense. You can’t give him an acting award.

9 Powerbooks
The beeper of the ’90s. I’ll have my laptop call your laptop. We’ll do E-mail.

10 Waco, Texas
Just when you thought about leaving the big city for the traditional values of small-town America.

11 Ethan Frome
Liam Neeson in another downer. Jack Kevorkian wants a video of it to help set the mood when he works.

12 CB4
A comedy about the rap-music business: the Ice Capades.

13 The Twiggy look
If these clothes make $10,000-a-day models look unattractive, imagine what they’ll do for us.

14 Iditarod race
I watch it just for the crashes.

15 NBC for sale
The garage opens at 7 a.m. Cash only.

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