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Emmys 2017
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Article

More questions for Michael Jackson

More questions for Michael Jackson — We’re still wondering how often he shaves and whether or not he’s still a virgin

Posted on

Dear Michael,

We’re not criticizing — we think Oprah did a buff job interviewing you — it’s just that we have a few follow-up questions of our own. Like:

*Who pays when you and Brooke are on a date?

*Who’s the other woman you’ve loved?

*Where did you get that giant Oscar in your screening room? (The Academy is curious, too — it looks suspiciously like one stolen from their lobby in the mid-’80s.)

*Are you or have you ever been in psychotherapy?

*Why do you use light makeup rather than dark to even out your skin? And what brand of makeup is it?

*Why do you often wear the same shirt to different events? What does CTE mean on your epaulets?

*What’s with the bandage on your arm and the tape on your fingers?

*Define gentleman.

*How often do you shave?

*C’mon, are you a virgin or not?