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Gifts not to give kids

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If you’re starting to feel blinded by the blizzard of holiday gift suggestions for the kids, here’s an easy way out: These are the seasonal records and videos not to buy the young ones on your list this year — unless, of course, they’ve been really, really bad.

BUMMED OUT CHRISTMAS Various Artists
With cuts like ”Christmas Eve Can Kill You,” ”Santa Got a DWI,” and ”Christmas in Jail,” this record is a must-have for Grinches — and a nightmare for the day-care set.

A ROMANTIC CHRISTMAS John Tesh
A sugary, sentimental album of piano, choir, and orchestra stylings courtesy of Tesh and bride Connie Sellecca.

NATTY CHRISTMAS Jacob Miller/Ray I
St. Nick goes reggae with tunes like ”Natty No Santa Claus.” Cool music on a certain ironic level, but don’t kids have enough problems without wondering what’s in Santa’s pipe?

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
A 10-year-old Pia Zadora presages her future film role in Voyage of the Rock Aliens by playing a martian youth in this chintzy sci-fi fantasy.

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT
From the makers of In Search of Historic Jesus: An ax-wielding psycho in a Santa suit chops up teens.

SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE
Dudley Moore as a wayward elf — talk about typecasting.

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