1 Woody Allen
Someday, everyone will be famous for 60 Minutes.
2 Hillary watching
Voters aren’t ready for the First Lady to help run the country — but it is okay with them if she picks the President’s astrologer.
3 Colorado boycott
Barbra Streisand and her jet-set friends are avoiding the state because of its recent antigay vote. Like John Denver isn’t reason enough?
4 Socks the cat
Reporters have been warned to stay away from the First Pet — unless they’ve been neutered.
5 ”Why Do Fools Fall In Love”
So they can make goo-goo eyes at each other and make the rest of us sick.
6 Windsor Palace fire
How many times do they have to tell the royal family, ”Don’t burn the money indoors”?
7 Sad country songs
Cities with lots of country songs have more suicides. Sure, they all moved there from Detroit.
8 Bad Lieutenant
Kids under 17 can’t see this kind of nudity and sex at the movies. They have to watch it on MTV.
9 The Nixon tapes
The court says they’re his and he deserves just compensation. Fifteen to 20 years should do it.
10 X potato chips
11 The Jackie Thomas Show
Roseanne’s hubby gets his own show. But it might be good — would she marry a total jerk?
12 Chuck and Di Split
Is the throne Gone With the Windsors?
13 The naked guy
The Berkeley student who walks around the campus nude. That’s never gonna be a big problem at the University of Alaska.
14 The Distinguished Gentleman
Eddie Murphy goes to Washington as a crooked congressman. Or is that redundant?
The latest bio shows him to be the Harvard version of Will Rogers. He never met a woman he didn’t like.