1. A League Of Their Own
Madonna should be good. She’s been playing hardball for years.
2. Baboon Liver Transplant
The hard part is getting the baboon to sign that organ-donor card.
3. Sister Souljah
A no-hit wonder. Slim Whitman sold more records with less publicity.
If u kan reed this, u kan b vise pressident.
Some people think the major problem with this country is injustice; others think it’s the music.
6. Drew Barrymore Poses Nude
She’s at that awkward age — too old to be Lolita, too young to be Sharon Stone.
7. Eddie Murphy
Has he dropped the machismo to become a sensitive leading man? Maybe you can get more sex that way.
8. Melrose Place
The living hell of being too rich and too thin — bad hair days, bird doo on the BMW, remembering the maid’s name.
9. The Road To Barcelona
The definition of an amateur? Whoever thought up the Dan vs. Dave ads for Reebok.
10. Hank Williams Jr.
On his Breathalyzer tour, where you’ll hear great hits like ”Hmmmmsdwmsdin” and ”Mhmblemumble.”
11. PBS Funding
Should tax money pay for shows that offend some people, or should it be used for shows that offend everyone?
12. Caspar Weinberger
Won’t you feel safer with him off the streets?
A marionette that turns into a real boy after many scary adventures and a little magic. Boris Yeltsin’s favorite movie.
14. Navy Aviators
5,000 rotten apples can spoil the whole bunch.
15. Jean-Claude Van Damme
In Universal Soldier with Dolph Lundgren. The missing links between acting and Claymation.