1. Sun Block
Pale is beautiful. Of course, 20 years from now they’ll find out this stuff causes cancer too.
2. Counting Cows
Turns a mind-numbing day in the car into a living hell. How many miles till we get to Wall Drug?
3. Rest Stops
Who’s buying these condoms at interstate truck stops? And why? Who are you going to meet in the middle of nowhere?
4. Open-Air Music Festvials
Live music under the stars. Live bugs crawling up the leg. Waiting in line for the Portosan. It doesn’t get any better than this.
5. Paperback Best-Sellers
I just want to know one thing: How does Stephen King write them faster than we can read them?
6. Amusement Parks
How do kids know a good ride? They get sick.
7. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
For the cholesterolly challenged. What will they add in next — deep-fried bacon bits?
8. Jackson Hole, Wyo.
What Aspen was like before success ruined it. Keep the millionaires out — they attract all the wrong people.
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers
The four of them combined wear less on stage than Cher. Are they taking a bow, or are we being mooned?
10. Garage Sales
The good stuff — a The Price Is Right game, an amoeba-shaped coffee table, and a colander with two legs — will be gone by 7 a.m.
11. National Parks
The site of this summer’s continuing 4 x 4 convention. You haven’t seen nature till you’ve seen it at 55 mph.
12. L.L. Bean Outdoor Gear
How to dress like a Republican without really trying. Democrats call Smith & Hawken.
13. Sunless Tanners
They’re great, if you don’t mind a big white spot in the middle of your back. But your hands look like they’ve been to Club Med.
14. Colonial Williamsburg
You don’t know what fun is till you’ve put a small child in stocks.
15. The Backyard Grill
Meat over an open fire brings out the hunter-gatherer in us. Didn’t the Cro-Magnons wear aprons that said, ”Get me a beer, I’m the chef”?