From the home office in New Canaan, Connecticut, the top 10 ways David Letterman can keep Margaret Ray, who recently showed up for the seventh time, from trespassing on his property:
10. Join the Talk Show Host Protection Program.
9. Remove welcome mat from front porch.
8. Two words: Attack dog.
7. Get Arsenio Hall to ”kick her ass.”
6. Have Macaulay Culkin rig the place.
5. Remember to close front door on way out.
4. Swap Connecticut homes with Kathie Lee Gifford.
3. Prozac, Prozac, Prozac.
2. Set her up on a blind date with Dennis Miller.
1. Marry her.