1 Rodney Kind Verdict What does a cop have to do to get convicted in Simi Valley? Shoot a jaywalker in the back? Twice?
2 President Bush He shows up in L.A. after it’s all cleaned up. A trick he learned from the Emir of Kuwait.
3 Chief Daryl Gates Maybe he could get another job as police commissioner. In Cape Town.
4 Edward James Olmos One of the many celebrities who acted first and thought second. Too bad he’s not in office.
5 Curfews Let’s do this all the time. Why is a 13-year-old kid out on the street at midnight, anyway?
6 L.A.P.D. When the going gets tough, these cops get going. The other way.
7 Cannes Don’t let the Palme d’Or hit you on the way out. Look what winning it did for Barton Fink last year.
8 Patti Davis She claims Nancy Reagan slapped her once a day. Now Nancy can just get at the end of the line.
9 Gorbachev’s Visit He’ll make almost a million dollars lecturing in the U.S. Communism’s working fine for him.
10 Poison Ivy Some very controversial sex scenes between Drew Barrymore and Sara Gilbert. Now give me a good reason not to go.
11 Guys and Dolls Times have changed. A few years ago you’d have had to call a show Guys Are Dolls to have a hit on Broadway.
12 Tom Cruise Stars in the Irish epic Far and Away with wife Nicole Kidman. They wanted to call it Top Shillelagh.
13 Oprah’s Memoirs Can there be anything we don’t know about her? That the skeletons in her closet wear her old clothes?
14 Tom Selleck Out on the road for Folks!, a comedy about Alzheimer’s disease. So funny I forgot to laugh.
15 Saint Bernards Popular again, thanks to Beethoven, but if you want something big and messy around the house, get a man.