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Bruce Willis is a true Scout

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Complaining that the gleefully brutal film is not consistent with its values and aims, the Boy Scouts of America sent a letter of protest to the producers of the metaphorically titled Last Boy Scout. But a closer look shows that Bruce Willis’ detective Joe Hallenbeck really honors most of the tenets of the Boy Scout Law — in his own way.

<p. * Trustworthy He keeps his promises: ”If you touch me again, I’ll kill you.”

* Helpful After catching his wife with his best friend, he offers her useful advice. She: ”I was lonely.” He: ”Buy a dog.”

* Loyal He sticks by his friends. Wayans: ”You don’t like [your wife] much, do you?” Willis: ”At least I liked the guy she was f—ing.”

* Clean On breaking into an apartment, he thoughtfully warns Wayans, ”Don’t touch anything — we don’t want to make a mess for the cops.”

* Friendly Held at gunpoint, he entertains a would-be assassin with hail- fellow-well-met banter: ”I’m not saying [your wife]’s fat, but her high school picture was an aerial photograph.”

* Reverent He respects the sanctity of family: ”[My daughter]’s 13 years old, and if you even look at her funny, I’m gonna stick an umbrella up your ass and open it.”

* Courteous Before punching a senator, he inquires about his preference: ”Head or gut?”

* Cheerful Starting each morning with a positive attitude, he tells himself, ”Smile, you f—.”

* Thrifty He saves money on cigarettes by picking up pre-smoked butts from the gutter.