1. CBS’ Olympic Coverage
Like the luge — a perfect run is boring. Stop reading the TelePrompTer. Ad lib and let ad lib.
2. What New Hampshire Means
As if network reporters would know. They think peeking through keyholes is respectable.
3. Figure Skating
Love those costumes! But it’s hard to find Bolero pants in a size 40.
4. Final Analysis
The stupid-pet-trick rumors haven’t hurt Richard gere at the box office. Time to start some new ones.
5. The Grammys
I forget — who won the Best Artist, Male, R&B with Country and Gospel influences, Who Records Only on Tuesday?
6. Los Angeles Rain
An Irwin Allen movie come to life. The only things missing were Shelley Winters and George Kennedy.
7. Desiree Washington
Talk about a double standard. If a man had knocked Tyson out of the ring, he’d have gotten $25 million.
8. Elvis And His Mom
Hard to believe this one got by Nina Totenberg and Bob Woodward, but not the Enquirer.
9. Radio Flyer
An evil stepfather, a magic flying wagon, and a $30 million budget. E.T. phones the Prince of Tides.
10. Half-Price Tuesdays
Hollywood’s latest scam to get you into theaters. How about this idea: make better movies.
Wayne’s World slang goes global. Extreme close-up while I hurl.
12. Pat ”The Great Alienator” Buchanan
Ronald Reagan’s brain trapped in Larry King’s body.
13. The New Kids In Korea
Let me guess, were they appearing on Seoul Train?
14. U2 Concert Tour
What were the ’80s like, Dad?
15. Jose Canseco
Smashing into his estranged wife’s BMW with his Porsche. Damn it, man, buy american.