1. Planet Hollywood
Dining under the Golden Archness
2. Danny DeVito
That’s really Robert De Niro in Other’s People Money. He lost 12 inches and gained 60 pounds for the part.
3. The Dynasty Reunion
The only thing ”special” about it was that the cast got through it without using walkers.
4. Bess Myerson
She got a note from Gorbachev after she was mugged in Moscow. It said ”I know just how you feel.”
5. The Florida Lottery
The best thing about winning. You’d finally be able to tell the Publishers Clearing House to clear off.
6. Tomhawk-Chop Protest
Some people sure are touchy about being cheated out of their land, their culture, and their dignity.
7. Ollie North
Reagan knew! Think of what you’d have done differently if you had known that five years ago.
8. David Duke
He’s so confident he’ll be governor of Louisiana he’s ordered a brand-new set of sheets.
9. Paul McCartney
Still trying to be the ”cute one” at 49. Hey, fab!
10. Brian Wilson’s Autobiography
I’ll never sell my life story, because I had a happy childhood. I’m suing my parents for loss of income.
11. Vanilla ”What’s My Motivation”
Ice Cool as Ice could have been worse. It could have starred Ice and Dice.
12. The Butcher’s Wife “]
Demi Moore’s homage to Daryl Hannah. Too bad she didn’t get any scenes wearing flippers.
13. Christo’s Umbrellas
If that’s art, the lost & found is a museum.
14. Jimmy Swaggart
Would you leave this guy alone with a flock of sheep? I don’t think so.
When a yard without a Great Pumpkin leaf bag is as naked as a dead cheerleader in a John Carpenter movie.