1. Sexual Harassment
Maybe Phil and Oprah — no, Geraldo! — should question the next Supreme Court nominee.
2. He Said, She Said
Hill v. Thomas lasted six days longer than the gulf war. Next time I want a gas mask.
3. Howell Heflin
Ah say, ah say, doesn’t he sound like that cartoon chicken, Foghorn Leghorn, son?
4. The Long Dong Silver Show
Pee-wee Herman’s Saturday-morning replacement series.
5. ”My Distinguished Colleague” (”…who might vote for that new dam on my brother-in-law’s property if I vote for a useless highway in his god-awful little state.”)
6. Guys Just Don?t Get It
Get what, babe?
7. Nina Totenberg
On National Public Radio, where thousands of people work for hundreds of listeners.
8. Anchorman Rehash
Stop it. We just watched it too.
9. Orrin Hatch
Proof that parents should not be allowed to name their children.
10. Roll-Call Vote
Kennedy only showed up because he thought they said, ”Last call.”
11. FBI Reports
Great birthday presents for your friends in the press, and they’re easy to get.
12. Brand Name Dropping
Coke, McDonald’s. What’s next? Product 19? Hebrew National franks?
13. 98 Middle-Aged Men
Make that 97. Strom Thurmond hasn’t seen middle age for 30 years.
14. 10-Minute Recesses
…that last for two hours. Congressmen can’t manage their time, they can’t manage their money, but they’re in charge.
15. Yale Law School
”The fourth or fifth best law school in the country. ” And the No. 1 drama school.