1. Jimmy Connors
So much for actuarial tables. He was supposed to be at home listening to Lite FM in a pair of adult diapers.
A sure hit-in homes without cable.
3. Pee-wee’s Comeback
Thank you, MTV. Now if Oliver Stone would just make a movie about him
A special-edition $100 plastic watch that looks like a slice of bacon sold out in three hours. And we think drugs are a problem.
5. Rand McNally
We bust our butts to get out a map of unified Germany, and now there’s this whole Soviet thing.
6. The Clarence Thomas Nomination
Skin color isn’t an issue. Skin thickness is.
7. Freddy’s Dead
Absolutely, positively, unquestionably, without a doubt the last Freddy Krueger movie. Unless it makes money.
8. Jerry Brown
The New Age Democrat. His theme song is ”Buddha, Can You Spare a Dime?”
9. Hef’s New Baby
What is he, sixtysomething? Maybe he wants someone to play with during his second childhood.
10. Laserdisc Videos
The latest ”must-have” gadget for the home. Will they take a trade-in on a Betamax?
11. Myke Tyson
Another brush with the law. His alibi: He was out drinking with Ted Kennedy. Like Ted’s gonna remember.
12. Air Surfing
Life Is Short. Grow Up.
The upper-crusty ”color” for fall. Dressy enough for slow-recovery job hunting yet doesn’t show the dirt.
14. Artyom Borovik
60 Minutes‘ Soviet reporter. So what’s his big scoop? Stalin’s long-lost brain, the Russian version of an Elvis sighting.
15. Geraldo’s Bio
He could be a guest on one of his own shows: ”Grown Men Who Act Like Giggly, Smutty Preteens and Should Be Slapped.”