1. Mary Hart
If her voice can cause a seizure, then Steve Urkel must be a lethal weapon.
2. Boyz N the Hood
Gunz N the Hand. C it, Butt B Reddy to Duk.
3. Carmen Sandiego
The computer-game spy heroine has signed a big merchandising deal. But the real mystery is who named her? Minnie Apolis.
4. Demi Moore’s nude magazine cover
Barefoot and pregnant. How very modern.
5. Sonny Bono’s autobiography
Who wants to read this stuff? Art Garfunkel? Jermaine Jackson?
6. Ted Kennedy Jr.’s rehab
He didn’t have a problem — he just wanted to meet a better class of people.
7. The NAACP
National Association for the Advancement of Certain People. Doesn’t Judge Thomas fit in?
Can Married With Children‘s Al Bundy make the jump to the movies? Can Peg Bundy clean a house?
9. Stephen King’s Golden Years
Another old-man-grows-younger-after-chemical- accident story.
10. Midsummer TV premieres
A new idea. Amazing how creative network execs can be after they’ve lost the audience.
11. Annette Bening
Sleeping with Warren Beatty is like visiting the Farmer’s Market: It’s something you have to do when you’re in L.A.
12. The Economic Summit
The world leaders’ version of a PBS fund-raiser. And about as exciting.
13. Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey
The first Bill & Ted was the worst movie ever made. Unfortunately the sequel’s not as good.
14. Patrick Swayze
Point Break has no love scenes, no romance, no dancing, no sex. It should do well in England.
15. Rebombing Baghdad
Tell me Saddam’s not stupid enough to call Bush’s bluff. Go ahead, tell me. Anybody ?