1 DUDE RANCHES I say we open a Dude Bank and charge cowboys $750 a week to work there.
2 JAY LENO’S SIDEKICK SEARCH A few suggestions: Irving R. Levine. Bernard Shaw. Cardinal O’Connor. Don Henley.
3 JULIA ROBERTS The only way this could have been more fun is if she had been betrothed to Sam Kinison.
4 BILL COSBY He plans to host an all-new You Bet Your Life in 1992. It’ll be filmed live in Central Park; you live, you win.
5 TERMINATOR 2 A film for the whole Family. On second thought, maybe you should leave Squeaky Fromme at home.
6 PRESIDENT ZACHARY TAYLOR Whoops! Dug him up for nothing. I hope he moves this historian’s furniture around for the rest of her life.
7 WIMBELDON A lot of off-court injuries this year. Navratilova got lawyer’s elbow, Seles got agent’s wrist, and McEnroe was sidelined again with hubris maximus.
8 THE CLIO AWARDS Their demise won’t affect your chances of winning the highest award in advertising — a six-figure job!
9 DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS Honoring achievement in daytime television. Like winning a blue ribbon for Tuna Helper.
10 CIVILIAN HUMVEES Schwarzenegger had to have this $40,000 all- terrain vehicle. It worked in Kuwait,but can it handle Madison Avenue?
11 RICK DEES GETS THE HOOK Some things work better on radio. There’s a reason we don’t have clock TVs.
12 THE ROCKETEER Jennifer Connelly and Bill Campbell may be in for a rough ride. Costars rarely mate for life.
13 NAKED GUN 21/2 So corny you could make Mazola from it. I’m seeing it again tomorrow.
14 MICHAEL JACKSON AND MACAULAY CULKIN Not even parents like children this much. Maybe Michael should talk to somebody about it.
15 THE NONSEXIST WORD THING Dictionary sounds a little masculine, don’t you think?