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Letter from our readers

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Your most recent postcards have been counted, sorted, and read — and now we’d like to share. In sheer number of responses, the card requesting witty new catchphrases for the endearingly wiseass little toon Bart Simpson (May 18) was the landslide victor. So far, 1,142 offerings have come in, with the average age of the senders apparently somewhere in the early teens. From this monstrous maildrop we culled the most unforgettable, and perhaps unforgivable, suggestions for Bart’s mouth. Unfortunately, those s sgestions were also unprintable. After eliminating the truly crude, the remainder included:
1. ”Don’t get your underwear in a knot!”
2. ”Towel off, man!”
3. ”Holy guacamole!”
4. ”Don’t have a major moose!”
5. ”Eat a bug, man!”
6. ”Don’t bug me, centipede!” and 7. ”Oh so humeroso!”

Two readers concluded that the most radical thing that could ever come out of Bart’s face would be anything polite. Accordingly, he should try: ”Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, and May I?” Of course, the handwriting on those cards looked remarkably like Mom’s.

The following week (May 25) we asked you to list movies worth sequelizing. Out of 542 replies to this straight-forward request, Gone With the Wind came in first, followed by E.T., Dirty Dancing, The Way We Were, and Top Gun. There was even an overheated vote for Days of Thunder from a gushy Tom Cruise fan who admitted that ”just the trailer makes my heart pound!”

Next was the card (June 1) asking you to tell us who gave the ultimate concert — the best you’ve ever been to and why. Perhaps owing to the persuasive power of a photo, or some odd weakness of long-term memory, the overwhelming choice of the 458 respondents was the Rolling Stones. But the truly rabid raves were for Cher, Barry Manilow, and Neil Diamond.

A Cher concert is ”total entertainment from beginning to end,” wrote one fan, while a second listed four different Cher shows attended in different years and proclaimed herself ”the biggest Cher fan in the universe.”

Four shows, however, were small potatoes to the Manilow fan who claimed to have seen Barry perform 104 times. Obsessive behavior? Nah. The fan explained, ”He performs from the heart, and gives you his all. He’s a total professional and a superbly talented entertainer.”

Then there was the sarcastic Madonna fan who liked the Material Girl’s performance the best because ”she didn’t show up,” and the modest Texan who wrote to tell us that the best show he ever saw was a local production of The Music Man. Reason? ”I played Mayor Shinn.” Finally, a woman revealed that the best musical moment of her life was given to her by Neil Diamond. Her explanation? ”His buns are as tight as ever! It was the first time I didn’t mind having seats behind the stage!”

The Elvis-in-Blue Hawaii postcard (June 8) asked for aatop 10 list of summer-type tunes. The 287 deejay wannabes who sent in their selections seemed to have given this little exercise a lot of thought. Titles that contain the word ”summer” were well represented, as was the complete Beach Boys output. The B-55s (”Rock Lobster” and ”Love Shack” made many lists) were hot. And Jersey Shore folks made sure Bruce Springsteen’s ”Born to Run” was mentioned. An almost bonus was finding the reader who thought he had spotted actress Teri Garr as a beach brunette on the far right of the photo (Elvis’ left). Nice try. Though Ms. Garr readily admits to having been in several Elvis movies (Viva Las Vegas, Girl Happy) early in her career, and even to having partied with the King, she informs us she was not in Blue Hawaii and has always been a blond.

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